Walk of shame and blame??

Well, I am really not sure how much the title is apt. But anyway, this morning was hard. Nothing was very different the usual fare, yet today was hard. Today was Avy’s daycare day. You see, even though his grandparents are here he still goes to the daycare 2 or 3 days a week. The reason is three fold:p…One because he will create a big fuss after they leave if he gets used to being home, two- he actually misses his friends, after 2 days of being at home he will start with all their names and finally (though grandparents would consider what I am about to tell as blasphemy, it is true) to give them a little break!!!

So, normally it is not a battle to get him into his car seat…he will come willingly. But this morning he was a little timid and had to be cajoled a bit. He had his ‘juice’ (translation- milk) in a Sippy cup and after stories on how he can see his friends, and see trucks on the road; I was successful in putting him in his seat.  But something happened for the first time as I started to drive and he was unusually quiet…and I look in the mirror…his face is sooooooooooo SAD 😦

He with a quivering voice starts to ask for “Apppaaa ?”…I said “Home”…that makes it worse, and he asks once again “Apppa?” I say “Apees”..That makes him feel better. Then he goes through his morning attendance call of every name he ever knows, and the only answer that pleases him is “Apees”, finally he says “Avy?”, I say “Daycare”…and he falls into this deep pondering, with an occasional sip. By the time all this got over I reached his daycare…

He was happy to get out and I carried him in, on the way we saw ‘Spike’ the Lizard, the fishes in his fish tank and we traded silly ‘fish’ faces and it was all well till I entered his classroom. See normally this part I am prepared, he cries almost every time. But today, he was just sad, with those pushed out quivering lips saying “No, Amma”. No tears yet though. This tore my heart apart more. All the other kids already there and bright eyed were all going “Avy, Avy, Avy…” and teachers were all enthusiastic, but he would just push himself into me more, with his fists grasping my shirt as tight as it can…so finally, I had to bite the bullet and let the teacher take him from me, and then started the screaming. This is not the first time the crying has happened, but I don’t drop him off as much as his dad does, so some days I just get affected more.

So I kiss his forehead, tell him “Amma, Apees”, and do a quick turn and walkout, while hearing the crying…All these emotions rush to me. “Am I abandoning my crying baby? I must be the world’s worst mother…How can I just leave the crying kid there? What must those teachers be thinking of me? What must my baby be thinking of me? Avy is going to hold this against me forever…Maybe I should just quit my job….”

I walk to the car head hung in SHAME, and thinking of all the BLAME I would be getting with tears rolling down my cheeks. I drive for about five minutes and cannot take it anymore. So, I call his daycare…DCP (Person at daycare)

DCP1: “Hello, DCP1 here, how can I help you?”

Me: “Can you please connect me to —– Class?”

DCP1: “Hold on for a minute”

DCP2:”Hello you have reached…. Class, how can we help you?”

Me: “Hi, this is Avy’s mom”

DCP2:” Oh, hello”

Me: (All nervous and anxious) “Is Avy okay, did he stop crying?”

DCP2: Casually, “Oh yeah, he stopped the minute you stepped outside”

Rewind…..in my head and erase the following thoughts…“Am I abandoning my crying baby? I must be the world’s worst mother…How can I just leave the crying kid there? What must those teachers be thinking of me? What must my baby be thinking of me? Avy is going to hold this against me forever…Maybe I should just quit my job….”

Life is back to normal!!!!

(p.s same thing would repeat the next time I would drop him off)

 

ps submitted this to http://www.womensweb.in/index.php?view=entry&year=2010&month=06&day=17&id=27:the-womens-web-mommy-guilt-contest-&option=com_lyftenbloggie&Itemid=129

Advertisements

3 Comments

  1. sarada athai said,

    June 12, 2010 at 9:54 am

    You r a real mother and He is a perfect child.

  2. telugumom said,

    June 14, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    I can totally relate to your post. My son used to go to day care when he was around 8 months. This used to be a regular situation for me and him. He used to cry everyday and stop as soon as I stepped out of day care. Then we stopped sending him. Now that we started day care again, I have to face it again. It is just a matter of time before we get used to it.

    Nice blog by the way 🙂

  3. June 26, 2010 at 12:34 am

    That picture is priceless! lovely!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: