One where I ditched the bath…

This week is getting harder as each day goes by. We have a 6 month progress check up for Avy with his allergists on Friday and am a bunch of nerves. We got the blood work results and it does not look promising, but I am still going to wait and see what the doctor says.

But am in such a state of mind that I want to curl up under my bed and sleep, I guess sleep deprivation can do that to you!! Avy went to daycare yesterday and normally on such days we NEVER take him outside after that because he is a creature of habit, and he likes being home, eating dinner, playing with me, jumping on his dad, taking a bath and going to bed by 8.30pm latest. On these days he is very tired when he come home, after all the playing all day. Still, yesterday against better judgement we took him out.

We had to so some minor shopping and what was supposed to be one store, became two since we did not find what we needed at the first store. In the spirit of full disclosure I could not predict what followed. He became very cranky at store 2, so we rushed home and as I was heating his milk, he just lost it. He started wailing at the top of his lungs. So I carried him upstairs and the bath seemed a distant possibility as he really wanted to sleep. So I changed his diaper, clothes, gave him his medication while his dad tried his best to make him laugh and he did succeed briefly.

A baby who had pretty much weaned fully for this feed, and was content falling asleep on my arms started wailing to be fed to sleep. He could barely breathe in his tears and I broke down too. I fed him to sleep. This may have been against my better judgment and but could not and will not let my baby cry to sleep when I can help him. On a normal day he never fusses, he understands, he hugs me, kisses my boo-boos, I had to give him this yesterday. He had gotten so flustered to be outside his comfort zone that he did know how to calm himself down. He does not use a pacifier , never has, he just has me :). So I calmed him down, laid him to bed and finished up some of the chores.

As I lay to bed I feared that since I had not given him a bath he might wake up all itchy soon. See on top of his food allergies, he is allergic to pollen, bluegrass, ragweed etc etc. Environmental allergies. So I HAVE to pretty much give him a bath everyday and it helps wash away all the allergens. My instinct was right, he woke up at 3.30am and then the ordeal started. He wanted to feed, I let him for 5 minutes and then I said No, as I could not bear it any longer. He seemed to understand and then started what seemed like my longest night. The funny things is, I used to have such nights so frequently about 2 months ago, but he seemed to have settled down. So this was especially hard to handle.

I rubbed him with lotion, sang to him, spoke with him, hugged him, scratched for him…but he spent 2 HOURS just itching. Poor thing he would try to fall asleep, on me and would wake up 5 minutes later to scratch a new part of his body. I would lie still once he falls asleep so as to not to move him and wake him up. I finally gave up and fed him around 5.30 am and he slept immediately, all itching stopped. I always felt he fed only to take him mind off the itching and I was right….he slept peacefully by 5.45am. I of course could not drift back. I lay awake, holding him and sometime I must have dozed off, because I got up startled around 7 am.

So I am torn, why couldn’t I have just fed him and saved him all those hours of itching. Why was I trying to do this to my baby? I broke down crying to Ajit on the phone on my way to work. I am feeling somewhat better now. But I am still torn and maybe there is no right answer. I have to take one day at a time with my little one. He is different and I need to work around that. Since his diet is different he gets hungry at night, rice milk before bedtime is not as filling as regular milk, he is going to wake up more than a normal kid, I need to work with that. And most important lesson, NEVER DITCH THE BATH!!!!

I am so hoping this Friday gets me more answers to make Avy more comfortable.


1 Comment

  1. telugumom said,

    July 8, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    As moms, we go through so many emotions everyday and what ever we do, we have the best intentions for out little ones. Don’t worry, you had good intentions when you did not feed him initially. It is hard with allergies especially with little kids as they cannot express themselves. Hang in there and everything will get resolved. Hope the Friday appointment goes well. Good Luck!

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