The journey begins- Part 1

Hello all,

Back after a while of not posting. Health and mind have  not been too good, so the lack of posts. Well am back, and hope to not be a stranger here anymore. I am here, posting on one of my favorite topics, something that gives me the motivation AVY!!! I am going to do a XXX part series on the milestones in the first 2 years on his life, my pregnancy etc, not in any particular order, just some milestones, to keep giving me the motivation to write, when mentally am so down.

This afternoon, on my regular lunch walk, I was talking to my mom, who said she was seeing a couple bring home their new-born, from her window. That took me straight back to the day we brought Avy home, the emotions, the thoughts, had to documented.

He was born, September 8, 2008 at 5.42 pm. No complications was a normal and pretty quick delivery. I had gotten the epidural and a gazillion drugs for the pain (in hindsight, would never take those drugs again ever). I was groggy and confused the 2 days we were in the hospital.  They had to keep him in an extra day, since he billi (jaundice) count was very high, as he was a tad pre term. This was such a traumatic experience for me. They had to keep him away in the nursery all the time under the light to get his levels back up. They would bring him by only for feeds and that too only for 15-20 minutes, as he had to go back in the light. And the poor thing would have just barely figured out how to feed, only to be taken away, screaming!

I still remember once asking them if I could walk and go sit with him while he was there. They said yes, and I walked in there, and there was this small bundle crying like mad under the light and no one was even looking at him. I broke down. My baby, barely a day old, crying with no help. I could not sit there, or stand there, as they would not let me calm him by taking him out. So I walked out crying, and spent the rest of the day crying.

The nights in the hospital are like a dream, Ajit stayed with me, and I just remember them waking me up every 2 hours to feed Avy. Avy could never latch and it got me more worried as they said breastmilk is needed to reduce the billi. Then in an exact opposite move, asked me to give him formula, which he refused too. Within a few hours of birth, your mind is so filled with conflicting ideas, opinions and it is so hard to stay sane.

I still remember the whole diaper change issue. Well, we did not change him at all!! I have no clue what we though would happen, but then this nurse waltzes in and asks if we had changed his diaper and how many times he had poo-pooed and pee-peed. We said, “Well we hadn’t changed one yet’, She was shocked!! LOL. So then, of course, me being all tired from the actual childbirth, had no part in it and it was Ajit’s duty, he was superstar right from the get go! It stayed his duty for a while. wonder where I let him slack…hmmmm….

Then the good thing happened, they said we could take him home. Finally!!!! They asked us to give him exposure to sunlight and check his levels weekly till they come down. It took a whole month for it to finally come down for him.

So, they say, “Take him home”…..I FROZE!

I mean, I could not believe that they would just send him home with us, just like that! With no instructions, no advice nothing, just the tiniest baby all bundled up in the car seat. I mean the whole fitting- the- baby- into-the- car seat was such a nerve-racking experience for me that only Ajit would do it for the longest time.  So we started our drive home. We lived 45 minutes from the hospital. Questions like, “What is the baby cries? What if he is hungry? What is something happens to him?”. I know I was not alone with these thought Ajit was as scared too.

They discharged us around 7.30 pm, so by the time we got home after the whole check out process it was about 9pm.  Both sets of grandparents were there! Yet, I was so nervous, heck, they were nervous as everything was different here for them. I lay down, and Ajit, kept little Avy, ALL night in his arms, sitting straight. I would get up every few minutes to make sure he was okay. The darkest fears, the fear that we may not take good care of him, the fear that we may miss something big, especially because of his billi issue, the fear that I may not hear him if he cries, everything clouded my head. Plus the darn pain medications were making it so much harder for me to focus on anything. One advice women, easier to bear the pain and wake up 10 times than take a pill which makes you sleep deprived and snotty. My life became a whole lot better once I dumped the meds.

Still,in spite of all the worries and fear, there was a smile in my heart that night, a smile that is still there, every day, every hour, every second, that he is MINE- The love of our life had arrived!

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12 Comments

  1. swarna said,

    October 5, 2010 at 3:39 am

    love love loved it! keep writing often

  2. Telugumom said,

    October 5, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Loved this post. Thoughts and posts like these always bring happy tears in my eyes.

    • avymom said,

      October 7, 2010 at 3:40 pm

      Thanks. The happy moments to make me feel good again!

  3. parisal said,

    October 5, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Welcome back Anu!!! Missed your blog updates all these days..

  4. s.s said,

    October 7, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    OMG when i just went thru your blog. I could just change your son’s name to my daugter and she goes thru everything same as him. 3 weeks early, hospital stay for 14 days, food allergy, develomental evaluation, night time waking scratching. You are doing wodeful job and I feel for you. I could say i relate to you we are like twin sisters. I give her bath twice a day too, one day i was lazy and skip the night bath and we were up for 3 hours that night. Just 15 min of laziness. I work full time no family support here. Only good thing is i have babysitter at home. I would really like to talk to please e-mail me when u get time. HUG.

    • avymom said,

      April 28, 2011 at 3:43 pm

      Okay I knew I replied to this comment. I hope you are still reading my blog, and I hope your daughter is doing better.

  5. whinymom said,

    October 20, 2010 at 4:59 am

    You bought back sooo many memories Avymom! 🙂 More please…

    • Avymom said,

      October 20, 2010 at 10:43 am

      Thanks WM!Soon! Just gettign back after being sick, will update more! Thanks the encouragement makes me write more.

  6. Deepa said,

    October 20, 2010 at 6:54 am

    Wow Avymom, so well-written and a niiiiice pic that!!! Lovely, I want to read more, please write soon!

    • Avymom said,

      October 20, 2010 at 10:47 am

      Thanks Deepa! Will write more soon, just back after being sick! Nice to know toehrs are enjoying these as well!


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