June 16, 2011
Day of the surgery. I had an inexplicable fear of general anesthesia. I mean it is a crippling fear. There were million other things I could worry about, but I spent a large portions of the nights not being able to sleep because of the general anesthesia, I worry I would not wake up, the fact that I have to be in darkness. Upon further investigation I found my dad has the same fear!! Go figure. Anyway we got there, I was all ready decided I was going to do just a spinal and stay awake, somehow it gave me a feeling I was more in control. They reeled me in to get my ready to the pre op ward, while A, his sister and P stayed outside. Little A and my mom stayed home, it was so hard to leave my little one, mixed emotions, overwhelming emotions. That has to be a separate post Avy and my diagnosis, so much to write. I digress.
I was pre op all ready begging them to bring my husband in, but the nurses kept chatting. Apparently the hospital gowns come equipped with warmers and it was fun playing with that. Then the anesthesiologist came, a lovely woman, older lady and she talked in the nicest way and told me it would be better if I took the GA. I argued, she asked about my fears, and promised me I will wake up 5 minutes after the surgery. I did not agree. Then she had to go away for another surgery and she told me she will be back. Then as I was waiting and chatting with my sis-in-law and P, a barrage of doctors walked in and started talking. I panicked, as I just wanted A by me, so I literally chased the ladies and asked them to send in the hubbyJ
The doctors explained it all, the whole procedure and the dear lady anesthesiologist gave me all the reassurance I need, promised not to use a gas mask on me and I finally relented, maybe because I was really sleepy by then. They reeled me in, I couldn’t bear to leave A, yet I was brave, had to be. I went in, the doctors started the IV, the operating room was not quite fancy like they have in Grey’s Anatomy…lol, but had to do I guess. They started my IV, and she put a mask for oxygen. I freaked out and the last thing I remember is trying to take it out. I slept. I woke up as I was reeled out of the operating room, she had kept her word, I woke up 5 minutes after the surgery.
The surgery itself was simple. It was non invasive, the procedure is called TURBT (Transuretheral Resection of Bladder Tumor), they insert a tube through the urethera and carve the tumor out. The whole thing is about 30 minutes. When I woke up, my bladder was full of the chemo drug Mitomycin, and it was the worst sensation ever. I had the sensation to pee, but they had closed it off. I wish I would have woken up 30 minutes later. However I sat through it for 30 minutes, they drained me and moved me to the post op room. I was ravenous. They fed me up crackers and Gatorade.
Happy reunion with A, sis in law and P. I had the catheter in, but not in much pain. They kept me for another half hour and sent me home. Tough day!
I came home, little A was confused, but he understood that he had to keep his distance from me. He did okay as he had many people to fawn over him. So the wait started, I had to wait a whole week to get my catheter removed and the pathology result back, and it has been a long one.
Week leading up to the moment of truth
I stayed home, sleeping, reading or watching TV. I had to wear the catheter and it is a PAIN. I wore a large bag for nighttime and a smaller bag strapped to my thigh during the day when I can move about. Little A got the most kick out of it. He called it my ‘pee-pee’ bag. This was the week he successfully completed his potty training, so the sweetest little thing he is he offered me a gummy worm when I used big people potty. LOL. As days went by, he got jittery as I could not carry him, he could not sleep next to me, he could not sit on my lap…so he had his ups and downs.
We all tried to maintain the best attitude we could, and yet we knew all depended on the pathology results and that would determine any further treatment.