Avymom's Blog

This week in Avy’s school it is multi cultural week, each day they learn about a different culture, they eat that kind of food, dance to the native songs, make art projects on the said theme. Adorable I say! Two year olds running around learning the differences between their heritages.

So his teacher called me last week and told me she wanted to discuss this week and see what we can do for Avy, food wise. She also wanted to know if I can bring something Indian so they could do it one day. I thought it was mighty sweet of her to call me and workout something for Avy. So here is how it planned out:

Monday; Italian – The kids were having mini pizzas. So I got one of the pizza bases Avy can have and the sauce that the teacher had, was compatible with him, so he got his own pizza too.

Tuesday: Mexican- It was chips and salsa. Well Avy did not go J He stayed home to be pampered by his Paati (Grandmom)

Wednesday: Chinese- the kids were having egg rolls, so with my mom’s helps we made baked spring rolls with all purpose flour and the stuffing was of carrot and cabbage. Yummmy!

Thursday: Africa/India, well they had decided Africa first, but then since I offered to bring Indian, it was added later. So Paati made vadais for all the kids and we sent through some songs for the kids to dance too. I know, I know, Kilimanjaro and Boom Boom from Endhiran are not reflective of my very prestigious heritage, but Avy is TWO. All he knows is to shake his cute little booty to these songs and I want him to share it with his friends J. Of course, the vadai came out yummy and I was told that there was some serious bargaining happening in the morning, as Avy wanted to eat his Vadai at home itself, even before his friends could get their tiny little fingers on them.

Friday: Hawaii, well he will not be going, as he has his physical therapy appointment and his scheduled date with Paati.

So when I think about all the planning and effort that has gone into this week it makes me happy, gives me hope that even if Avy’s allergies never go away, we can manage. We can do our best to re-create or just create something which he can enjoy with his friends without feeling left out. For the first time in a long time I feel like I am in control of his allergies. So I am going to try to enjoy this feeling as long as it lasts.

Spending every evening looking at his face, thinking if those red dots should be there, debating if he need Benadryl for the night or if he can go by without it, worrying about what he touches, rushing to wash his hands when in doubt have become a way of life for us now, and only when someone from the outside comes and looks at it do we realize the magnitude of that. This is about you Paati. I know you heart breaks every time Avy itches or his face turns red and you keep the house freezing cold all day (even when he is not there), in the fear that his face may turn red from the heat, from the dryness and you hold back tears when his face breaks out and my reaction to all that is usually “Yeah, Benadryl koodutha seriya podium (Yeah, Giving Benadryl will fix it”.  Then it dawns on me that it is not the norm for you, and how far we have come (Yupa and me) and that I should be more sensitive to you.

We have learned to accept these occurrences and live our life day by day make decisions one day at a time that is the only way to maintain your sanity when dealing with so many allergies. You should too Paati. Otherwise it wears you down!!!

Experiences like this make you more sensitive to everyone else around you and about everything else around you. I hope my kid learned cultural tolerance in school (well, I think all he learned was, Paati vadai is yummy), and I hope as he grows he will be part of the world where people are sensitive to others limitations and we can learn to appreciate the differences in us.

I guess I put it up for the 'Indian' clothes!!

From this post we (Mom and Dad) have new nicknames, christened by none other than Yuvi (Avy). He now calls his dad Yupa (Modification on Appa), me Yuma (on Amma) and himself Yuvi. Silly boy came up with silly names!!!

This morning I dropped off my cutey, with a bag full of goodies. It was a happy moment to see all kids shout his name and him running to them, but also a reminder of some hurtful moments these past few weeks. Nothing major, small incidents that just add up and snowballs (yeah, seasonal reference!).

A couple of weeks ago I had a missed a call from Avy’s daycare when I was in a meeting. So I called them back, about an hour after the call. Apparently, the teacher had gotten some fruit gummies for the kids and she was calling me to find out if Avy can have some. I keep my phone with me ALL the time, even when I go to the bathroom, but this day I was destined to miss it.

So when I did return the call it was too late, and Avy had not gotten any. The teacher said he was very upset, but when she offered extra 2 stickers, and his Oreo cookie he became better, I believe. That tore my heart apart.  If alone I would have attended that call, maybe Avy could have had it. I was making it hard on myself by thinking of the sweet little kid standing there wondering why he could not have any, when all of his friends can.

I knew this day was not far away, I knew that as he was growing up the battles will be harder, more hurtful but I was not prepared at all, made me feel worthless as a mom at that moment. I somehow managed to spend the rest of the day at work and rushed home to see the little one. He had forgotten all about it and was happy to show me his stickers. But my heart kept tearing up and I just could not shake it off.

When you become a mom somehow this fierce protectiveness develops in you and sometimes it is good sometimes it is bad. Dads have it too, but not as quite as what the mother’s exhibit.  Ever since this incident mine has been in super hyper mode.

So the next time we went shopping we found gummies he can have, I fed all the gummies he wanted that day. Maybe I was over compensating, but what the hell, I had to do something. Did it make me feel better about the whole thing? Not really. I still ache. I still ache that I cannot do anything about this. I can make and bake everything Avy style but then I cannot erase the thoughts that run through the little one’s mind when he feels left out.

A few weeks before this incident, we had decided that the best way to bring him up is by teaching him about his allergies. So slowly I started to pointing things he cannot have and told him it is because he is allergic, he will get “oova” (hurt) if does have them. One of the items was curd (yogurt).  He seemed to understand.

A few days later, he saw his dad have some curd on his plate and he with his big eyes says “Avy allergy”.

It opened up a tap in me, everything is hurting. Teaching him hurts, not teaching him hurts, seeing him understand the whole thing and be a big man about it hurts, the thought of the battles we have ahead of ourselves, and more importantly he has ahead of himself hurts.

And, we as adults sometimes fail to see the beauty and happiness in small things. When Yupa dropped him off the other day he felt a pang because all other kids got colorful cereals and muffins while Avy was getting the same old cereal every day. Now when he told me this, I was sad sad sad. But then he mentions, Avy was happy and proud eating it. It made me realize, Avy is learning to be happy with what he has got, what right do we as parents have to put our burdens, thoughts and worries on the little one trying to be happy.

That thought helped me a little and I am back to what I believe in; make the best use of what you have been served. Find out ways to make sure you can minimize the instances of hurt, instances of exclusion and when such things occur buck up and move on. So all these thoughts sent me into a baking frenzy this week and we made some changes to help up cope.

I baked banana and blueberry muffins, which shall be sent to his daycare to be part of his breakfast, and also purchased two other cereal types which he can have and hence ensuring variety. A bag of gummy worms were purchased and handed over, in my own way to make up for that day.

More baking ensued, as he has his Christmas party today, and his teacher was nice enough to read out the entire list of what they are having so that I can make substitutes for as much as possible.

So sugar cookies were baked (a separate post coming on this episode with pictures soon), cupcakes were baked, gummy worms, crackers, cookies were bought and that brings us to the beginning of the post, I dropped him off with his own goody bag full of whatever he would possibly need.

As I sit here now thinking, I can manage and make up for anything we know is coming, but in the next few years so many instances are going to crop up where I am taken by surprise, where I cannot be there all the time to prevent things, but what I can do and will always be around to do, is swoop him in my arms when he is hurt, hug him tight and say,

“It is all going to be okay”!!

Ps. I really need to hear that for me today!